2003-07-01 - 12:50 p.m. Dreams 4 Flight
I am looking at myself. I feel like I am out of my body. The image I see is broken and choppy, like when you are looking through stained glass. I am staring at my own reflection in the water, as I am moving over it. Rather I am flying over it. At a very quick pace. The water is spliting down the seam and creating displacement waves on both sides of me. I feel like a speedboat. I whoosh over this lake moving in, out, and around the trees and islands in my path. And then I pull up, and soar. Straight up, towards the sun. I pierce the clouds as they burst open as I jettison through them. My body is consumed in sunlight. I don�t even look back to see my house. Everything now is forward. Everything is the future. I close my eyes. I don�t need them anymore. It�s suddenly cold. As I open my eyes, it morning, and I was just dreaming. 1/12/96 Swimming was always something I was good at. I swam distance events. This is mostly because I don�t bitch. The other swimmers my age wanted nothing to do with the long distance events. The like the short races and relays. I think cause the distance events are absolutely exhausting. My friend Sam tried out for the swimming team, bought the speedo (electric blue), got the goggles, and showed up on day one. He�s an excellent athlete in great shape, but even though he tried very hard, he didn�t make it more than twenty minutes in the water. When he got out he talked to our coach to let him know that was it. The coach didn�t try to talk him out of him. It was a very cordial conversation from what I am told. I was a decent swimmer. I had very flaming speedos and shaved my legs and I was okay with that. This is why. We had to do both, and I figured if I got to wear a speedo�why not wear a flaming one. I mean�its not like I will look any less gay with a solid black one. The shaving the legs was an interesting experience. I felt like a snake in the water, like I left my skin behind. I swam when I was little. That�s when I liked swimming the most. I swam because I loved the feeling of being underwater. I was so free and able to move in so many directions. It was like I was flying. I would swim in lakes sometimes. I found that really hard, because I couldn�t see. Sight was really important for me when I was swimming. I often looked up, out of the pool. This is the strangest thing. When I was swimming, it�s hard to tell what side of the water you are on. You can see you reflection in the water from underneath. It�s all choppy, but you can see it. Besided not being able to breathe, I think that the only way to really know which side you are on is how different the sounds are. When I raced, as my head came in and out of the water to breathe, all you can hear is screams and silence. Screams and silence over and over. It�s so calm in the water, even in a race. Water forces you up, because you are buoyant. Gravity forces you down. I imagine that swimming is the closest I will ever come to flying. When I was younger I went to a neighbors aqua blue round above ground pool. The neighborhood kids used to all move in the same direction creating a miniature whirlpool. Then the older kid would say �okay� and we would all stop moving. We would float on the top of the water and just let the current spin us around the yard. | |||||||||||
