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2003-06-16 - 9:36 a.m.

Dreams 2 Habeas Corpus



Before - After

I was at a restaurant with my family.

I was eating some soup, when my Mom spotted someone I thought she knew. In fact, we all knew them. Sitting at the table behind us was Harrison Ford and Ashley Judd.

What was curious was this was why they were together? Even more curious was why there were eating at this little Podunk restaurant? But I accepted it all.

My mom immediately piped up recognizing them. She was like; isn�t that Han Solo, and I immediately shussed her since we all know Harrison hates to be called that. I knew this was going no where so I turned around and began a dialogue.

Mr. Ford seemed less than amused that I was disturbing there lunch, but I though he was being rude since we were the only two table in here (seated together nonetheless). But he shrugged me off. Ashley was a southern belle and much more polite.

I immediately went in for the kill with her and talked about how I was upset about how the Kentucky wildcats didn�t do well in the tournament this year. She too was very upset. She talked about their players and the game they lost. I said they were robbed. She agreed. I talked to her about why I liked them, and about how Sam�s mom is from Kentucky and how Sam always wore this Pure Kentucky bright blue shirt when we played soccer. She said that her favorite photo was the one where she was in a University of Kentucky shirt, and nothing else. She said she had it hanging on her wall.

That was funny cause so did I!

So then she proceed to say how nice I was and asked to get a ride home with use because their car had broken down. And of course we gave them a ride.

I sat in the back between Harrison and Ashley. My Dad and mom were in the front. This was bad. My dad wanted to show off his driving skills.

I kept telling him not to, but he kept driving faster and faster. We didn�t slow down. I was getting scared, and Ashley was getting scared. It was really bad. Then we hit the curb coming around the corner.

The car flipped into a house. The truck popped open and a corpse came flying out.

This was the corpse of a woman my dad and I had killed a few days before. He was always making do things like that...bastard.

At this point Ashley and Harrison were gone, or I just can't remember them. It�s just me, My Dad, My mom, and the car in the house left. Also the cops showed up and started asking questions.

Like, �Who�s corpse is that?� and �You have the right to an attorney?�

So then we were jailed and released on bail. My father had been making me kill people for a long time now. He made me do it like it was a chore cause he didn�t want to do it. That�s why they were pinning this death on me. He even helped testify against me...bastard.

When I got home my family was liquidating assets. My mom tells me that since I am going to jail, she wants us to be together so we are leaving the country. I told her I don�t want to do that. I have a life here. I didn�t want to kill those people. I was just told to. I was too young to know any better.

Regardless the plan was for my mother and I to go to Toronto and live there and my Dad would come up in a week or so. We were flying and hoped to make it there and not get arrested. I told them it was dumb plan.

For some reason we knew we would be safe if we got within ten feet of the ticket booth in Toronto. Weird.

At the last minute I decided to bail on this plan. I decided that I was tired of just following. I went down to the police station and ratted for a plea bargain. I told them everything. Everyone that I killed because my Dad made me. They were all ears.

The last thing I remember was my Dad in the confessional, crying. I have never seen him cry before.

Then I woke up in my bed, and it was cold in my room.

It was 5:00AM and the sun was up and the birds were chirping. I was alone and cold.

3/23/97

My parents have always been very good to me. They had always been free to share both their time and their possessions. I always respected them for that.

But today was the day I learned that they weren�t going to pay for college. They waited until now to tell me, two months before graduation. They told me that they had nothing to help me.

They had let me applied to all the schools I wanted, in hopes of a scholarship, they tell me now.

I feel like I have been left in the dark. I feel like I have been cut loose. I wonder what this means?

We went over the options. I am going to be unable to go to the schools I most wanted to attend. Instead I had to go to a safety school, on the scholarship I got there, but they couldn�t even afford that diffrence. I blew up and got angry, stating that they should have let me know about this long before I started looking at schools. I resented the time I spent looking at school that I couldn't afford. I didn�t want to shop for the Beamer when all I could afford was the Corolla.

The other problem was that all my friends were driving Beamers. They were going to some really nice schools.

It was a bad moment for me because I felt ashamed of both the school I was going to and the fact that I couldn�t afford anything else.

I remember Sam asking if I could just take out loans. I told him that I was already going to have to.

My Dad got into a large fight that night. At some point during it he blamed me for this because I didn�t make enough money in my summer job. He basically said that I was too lazy and never did my share.

I think this was the low moment in our relationship, and I think that other people have had lower, but one thing for sure. When you hit that low point, you remember it. And that sting never goes away.

before - After

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