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Comments:
Katie - 2005-12-12 14:40:51
Aw, and here I had hopes for that market, seeing as how I have "stick person porn" down. But, sir, as I ask every year, DO YOU WANT COOKIES? I COULD SEND YOU COOKIES. I bake them with love. Oh, and salt, and who doesn't like salt? And I am the wishing you and your family the best, sir. Lots of the creepy internet love. The creepiest. And I guess I am a freak because I wrap presents right away.
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Infamy - 2005-12-12 14:41:39
I thought steaming was just for envelope glue.
I find that Scotch Magic Tape (the official almost-invisible tape of Christmas) pulls off off wrapping paper pretty well. Unless it's super-flimsy paper. And if they're using super-flimsy paper, do you really love them after-all?
Not that I know. Whew. Nice save.
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Gumphood - 2005-12-12 14:42:49
Maybe this year...I will take the cookies...
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Gumphood - 2005-12-12 14:46:29
All glue. Even that sticky "after sex" glue. Thats glue right?
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Criminal - 2005-12-12 14:46:52
Smooth
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infamy - 2005-12-12 14:58:18
No, it is not glue. Do not use a Jiffy Steamer on it.
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infamy - 2005-12-12 15:02:13
(you'll burn all the hair off of your stomach)
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jes - 2005-12-12 15:03:09
I went christmas shopping for ME. Kenzie was having a MAJOR sale, I got pants a great skirt and a shirt for $70. But otherwise, I got all my shopping done and some presents wrapped.
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Gumphood - 2005-12-12 15:08:11
Jes, thats so giving of you. Maybe while I'm out I can get myself a tennis bracelet. What...guys like tennis bracelets. I was told, however, I wasn't allowed to buy one until I could spell bracelet. That was 17 years ago.
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Kelly - 2005-12-12 15:26:19
I have to snoop. Honestly, if you're one of those incredibly anal people who shops ages in advance, then you deserve to be snooped on for being so organized and hateful. That's right. It's hateful to buy gifts and not immediately give them to people. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
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Summer Gale - 2005-12-12 15:51:51
I love to snoop but if the wrap is on then I'm a shaker and a listener. I think it hieghtens the anticipation .. Hey! Maybe I should shake my BF before sex?
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Gumphood - 2005-12-12 16:03:35
Shaking before = heightened anticipation -- best excuse to go to a strip club I've heard yet
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Kelly - 2005-12-12 16:06:13
Jawsome! Lucas is the best.christmas.shark.ever. haha I just like saying jawsome.
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awittykitty - 2005-12-12 18:21:46
Oh Gump, Gump, Gump. If I suddenly saw a perfectly folded shirt on the guy's side of the closet, I would immediately KNOW something was amiss. Because a guy folding a shirt??? Come on! He would be so busted.
Currently I have a gift a friend sent me from NYC sitting on my piano. It has "Do Not Open Until Christmas" written in huge letters on it. Do you know how insane that is making me. But I am being good. I hate being an adult.
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chillier - 2005-12-12 21:14:46
You are Mr. Observation. I am a perpetual snooper around Christmas but I have only recently become fully aware of the manly tendency to leave presents just...sitting around. Even now I know that two of my gifts are sitting in plain site in his closet, wrapped only in the BAGS THEY WERE PURCHASED IN. And his closet door is open. Lets just say I had my pretend surprise face on for my last birthday. I'm trying to learn from my mistake this year and resist the temptation to, you know, open the Best Buy bags in his closet.
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Bookbear - 2005-12-12 21:35:14
Nope... not even on the first page...
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willowfox - 2005-12-12 23:57:19
Now THAT was a good entry... But please explain to me what is so gloves-worthy about clean white bleached cotton that's surrounded by clean white cardboard and has been wrapped in plastic and then sits in a box. You people love to watch brains shoot out the back of some dude's head and splatter all over soldiers who are missing arms and legs and instead have bloody sinewy strings of flesh hanging from their stumps while puking and making fart jokes, but a box of wrapped, unused tampons makes you keep 20 feet of distance? This, dear Gump, is why I totally won the "Adventures in Babysitting"-esque Commuter Rail Battle of Gump and Fox. And the Christmas shark... I'm still laughing at the Christmas Shark. Even without the peckerhead comment, that's just damn funny.
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Andy - 2005-12-13 09:29:08
i used to have a slim metal rod that I could slip under the wrapping paper edge and lift up ever so slightly. Sometimes you can see what's under the paper.
A seasoned present shark can easly discern clothes. The heft and weight of a sweater is significanly differnt than a dress shirt. Jeans make a different sound than dockers when slid against the box.
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Allie - 2005-12-13 13:33:15
Haha, I saw the banner, and of course...I clicked. And hurrah, a great entry!
Too bad I'm the kind of person who loves surprises...so all of that wonderful information went to waste on me. :(
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Matty - 2005-12-13 16:30:57
Andy, no one wants to hear about your slim rod.
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JIll - 2005-12-13 18:34:31
I'm lucky. I have THE best hiding spot for presents in the world. My son can never find his presents. It's great because I live in an apartment, and he's checked EVERYwhere. The "head board" of my bed is a wooden slab of counter which usually collects empty water glasses, books, candles and magazines. With the naked eye, you would never notice that the counter actually opens up revieling a deep cavern where anything secret can be stored! I'd say you could comfortably fit 3 to 4 bodies inside. It's that deep!
And Andy, I would like to hear about your slim rod.
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jennifer - 2005-12-14 10:13:30
I think the Christmas shark would make a lovely card. I hope you send me one. My mom's card is a photo of Wally sitting on her lap.
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Robyn - 2005-12-15 00:29:28
incidentally if you google search christmas squid sex without quotations, you don't even make the first page, with quotes, it's you and only you baby!!
very funny entry. thanks.
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Phil - 2005-12-15 03:24:41
My mother once hid a BMX for two months one Christmas by placing it under a tarp in the garage. Yes plastic confuses me.
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