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Comments:
jes - 2005-11-14 02:09:55
I don't pity you, but I am sorry. If I was there, I would give you a hug. Often times with things like this, it is the only thing to do. ::e-hug::. If you need to, I am here for you. -jessie
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Andria - 2005-11-14 02:33:26
I can't offer much, except to say I'm sorry about your Mom. *hugs*
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blaze - 2005-11-14 02:59:14
I'm sorry to hear the sad news. I hope things improve...Hang in there, buddy. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at these things.
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Meany - 2005-11-14 04:55:27
I'll pray for your mom. And if you need someone to cheer you up with really cheesy, terrible jokes, you know who to come to.
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nicim - 2005-11-14 07:48:02
tell your friends. support and someone to talk to is exactly what you need. someone to be there at the hospital, or help run errands when needed. someone to constantly remind you that with new advances in treatment there is every hope. someone to listen to you, and to feel sorry for you and with you in the most appropriate of times. meanwhile (and i suspect I speak for all your loyal readers) we will be here for you in cyberspace with all the cyberhugs and cyber kisses, and hoo-rahs you might want or need. XXOO N
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moonfaeryy - 2005-11-14 07:53:24
I am sorry about your mom Gump. You have all the good thoughts and prayers you need coming your way from me. Oh, and lots of hugs. You know how to get a hold of me if you need anything.
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Ange - 2005-11-14 08:25:11
My thoughts and prayers are with your mother. As with you. Take care.
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kevin - 2005-11-14 09:14:56
My thoughts and prayers go out to you,y your mom, and your family. Which, I know doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot right now, but they do anyway. Please take care
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alice - 2005-11-14 09:22:06
I'm sorry to hear this news.
My aunt is now in remission from breast cancer.
It runs in the family.
If you want to talk just pop me an email, but you probably dont and thats cool too.
There is no "proper" way to deal with this.
Doctors are working wonders with breast cancer treatments.
Take care of yourself.
BIG HUGS
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Andy - 2005-11-14 09:25:23
I will keep your mom in my prayers.
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Jackie - 2005-11-14 09:53:50
Well, sorry but you're going to get compassion from me, because my mom died when I was a kid due to an illness and I know how you feel. So there. I'm very sorry to hear about this and I wish her the best, I hope her prognosis isn't too bad. This was an excellent entry, very touching and brought a tear to my eye (you're a bastard for that, btw). =)
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razor-vixen - 2005-11-14 10:01:23
I think, if your parents are good, adoptive children feel somehow more strongly about them (as I do too). I am sorry to hear about the cancer; did they catch it early? I am not religious, but I will send positive thoughts your way.
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Katie - 2005-11-14 10:09:25
I'm really sorry...I don't know what I would do without my mom. I just found out my grandmother has lung cancer. She's already had breast cancer and lived to tell the tale so it can happen. Your mother will be in my prayers...as will you. (Sorry I don't know how to be a bitch when people are hurting.)
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GoingLoopy - 2005-11-14 10:36:21
Tell your friends. And just try to keep yourself thinking positively and enjoy every minute with your mom. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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Amber - 2005-11-14 10:58:14
Well, now it's my turn to feel like the asshole I guess...
Gump, please just know that everything you are feeling is completely normal... trust me on this. You have to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling and don't feel guilty about it. When we lost Matt, a friend of my mom to me this: "There will be days where you are going to cry for 12 days straight. Then there are going to be times where you don't/can't cry for 12 days straight. Just allow yourself to do both - each thing has a time."
I'm so very sorry that you and yours are going to have to deal with this. I truly will keep all of you in my prayers and I hope that you just make the most out of each and every day that you have with your mother - however many that may be.
She sounds like an amazing woman and I know that you are proud to call her "mom." Does she know?
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betty - 2005-11-14 11:22:46
No pity here.
Just tons of love and sympathy and concern for you.
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willowfox - 2005-11-14 11:44:38
While I have had a somewhat similar situation in my life, I haven't had this situation, so I can't say I know how you feel. I can tell you that I imagine I'd feel the same way you feel if the same were happening to me. In fact, I'd be absolutely gutted. I do know that when my dad was in the hospital I didn't know how to tell my friends, but I eventually sent them a "just thought you should know, but don't feel you have to do anything for me" letter. I felt guilty for bothering them with it, but I needed them to know. They were glad I told them. Tell your friends. You need them. We're here for you too, but you know that. The only thing I can impart is what I learned: we all deal with shit like this in our own very different ways, so don't feel guilty for reacting in whatever way comes naturally. You're not being selfish or inappropriate. Love and prayers and positive thoughts from me, and no, I don't need a hit sent out, but I appreciate the offer.
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rok - 2005-11-14 11:46:29
*HUG* Gumpness, talk to your support network of friends. Truly. Tell them where you are at, because you know this is going to hit every aspect of your life. Take care of yourself (feel and think and be what you are feeling and thinking and being, without guilt). And spend as much time with your mom as you possibly can - it can't hurt. I hope things work out for the best.
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oddsy - 2005-11-14 12:04:36
Hey Gumps. In my opinion, you sound like you're going through a normal range of emotions. That sounds so dry when I say it, but what I mean is .. fuck. I don't know how to say it in typing. It's supposed to be a hug, after which I tell you I'm here for you, and even your mum in terms of hopes and good vibes, and that you are all right, all the fear and panic and foreboding and worry and hope and fingers crossed for the better and tears and sick feelings and such - you are entitled to those and don't ever apologise. You'll be strong for your mum, no matter what you're feeling, but let yourself be vulnerable too because you can't ignore it. Did they catch it early?
On the subject of telling your friends. Yes tell them, just like that "I thought you should know". They will know you're not fishing for kindness, not for something like this. Fishing for kindness is "does my ass look fat in this?". You'll need your friends for the vulnerable moments you're going to allow yourself, and they will be more than happy to be there, because they love you. Even us, who've never met you, you told us, and we don't pity you, nor do we think you're fishing.
We live in such an individual culture, where we separate ourselves so much, and that takes it's toll on our support systems.
Anyway, I went on a bit there, but basically I'm here for you, sugar, in whatever way you need.
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oddsy - 2005-11-14 12:06:05
yes, my Nanowrimo sorta died. I wonder if I can catch it up...
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E-Beth - 2005-11-14 12:25:44
This entry reminds me a lot of my mom. I am adopted as well and my mom and I have always been very close, a couple years ago she found out she had a brain tumor and no one thought she would survive the surgery. You probably don't want to hear my story so I'll stop there but I know how you feel. I'm sorry. I'll be praying for your mom.
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jess - 2005-11-14 12:55:01
i am really sorry to hear about your mother, gump. but breast cancer is not a death sentence, and take it from me, because i work in cancer research. depending on what stage breast cancer she has, she has a very good chance of not only surviving, but living cancer-free for the rest of her life. let's pray for this. xoxo - me
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chillier - 2005-11-14 13:10:39
I'm sorry to hear about your mother's bad news. A very well written analysis of your feelings in this entry, by the way. I can't even start to offer advice but it looks like many of your other friends are stepping up. Good luck and best wishes to you and your family.
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-11-14 13:23:20
Sweetie, for heaven's sakes don't end your mother's life prematurely! She's still alive, she still has a lot of medical treatments to keep her alive. Breast cancer is not guaranteed death. Now just go on about enjoying every minute you can spend with her. *hug*
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Gumphood - 2005-11-14 13:53:22
I don't expect her to die, but I think that I have always associated cancer with death. Thats all...
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Belle - 2005-11-14 13:54:45
Ouch. I'm so sorry to hear about this, Gumpy. But the others are right: There's a lot science and medicine can do to help your mom. You do have my compassion (which is a different thing entirely from pity), as well as my empathy because I know what it's like when a parent gets sick. If you ever want to vent or just bounce thoughts off me, please feel free to send me an e-mail. Meanwhile, do enjoy the time with your mom, and know that you're not alone in this. Look at all the folks who have left comments for you. A number of us have been through it, and nothing you can say will be shocking. Hugs!
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dynamita - 2005-11-14 14:16:59
I totally don`t know what to say. I think you should take it one day at a time, and see how it goes from there. About telling your friends, I think you should. You are going to get strange on them for a while, and if they know why it will be easier for everyone. Best wishes to you and your family.
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Sarah - 2005-11-14 16:07:02
*hugs*
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awittykitty - 2005-11-14 16:39:15
Danjerus is right, especially these days. Breast cancer is very treatable Gump. Although I understand your discomfort in wanting to ask your friends to talk. They're probably uncomfortable too. My suggestion is to maybe look for some kind of support group geared towards to people who are dealing with the same thing as you are...perhaps something sponsored by Hospice or something. Because support groups...the right ones, can be incredibly helpful because they there for the very purpose you need them for. There is no pussyfooting around the subject, like with your friends. Please consider that. But in the meantime, you got us. And you know we'll listen, because after all...we even listen to your infernally dull sports picks every week. (me rolling my eyes). :-)
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Matty - 2005-11-14 19:29:39
What Witty said.
You know where to find me, dude.
*case of e-beers for Gump*
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Judith - 2005-11-14 21:19:30
You can't help how you're feeling and it's ok. My dad had prostate cancer and part of me could only think of how this affected me. Yes, it's selfish but it's human. You can recognize that and know it. Your Mom comes first for you, I can tell that. I pray your Mom will be ok. Let us all know her progress.
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Kelly - 2005-11-14 21:51:47
Things will be ok, you retarded little monkey. On second thought, ignore that and just ditto what Witty said. But keep the retarded little monkey. because that fits. Where the hell is pfirsich when you need her stupid ass?
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iooi - 2005-11-14 22:37:29
hi, thank you, yes i did! you have my total support too. i've been through it too.
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Summer Gale - 2005-11-14 22:49:52
I've been through this and I wrote about it. It's helped other women. If your mother is so inclined have her start here http://summer-gale.diaryland.com/10302.html and she can share my breast cancer journey with me. So far I am a survivor. I hate to break this to you but even if she lives and they find no cancer in her after treatment she will be looking for its return for the rest of her life. Your post hurts me because I know this is how my daughters felt and I had never been a source of pain before. I am sorry for your pain but your Mom could have great hope. Find a way to be proactive in her life (like accompany her on treatments or make her a dinner on treatment days) to help you and her keep contact and go through this together. Much love to you both .. Diane
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SKB - 2005-11-15 00:40:05
definitely tell your friends. true friends will recognize that, in telling them, you're not looking for pity. they'll be there to listen when you need to talk, cry with you when you need it, laugh with you when you need that, and be strong constants in your life. if anything, they will sympathize with you and also find some comfort in the fact that you shared with them, because they will know that you would do the same for them. I'm sending good thoughts and prayers in the direction of you, your mother, and the rest of your family.
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Erin - 2005-11-15 03:39:04
My Heart goes out to you, my friend. I am also dealing with it, the only difference is, we don't know for a FACT that my mom has cancer or an ulcer or whatever.. It scares the crap out of me. Hugs, kisses and love and all my support. Love Erin
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Blaze - 2005-11-15 17:50:20
Hey, shut up. My normal handwriting is beautiful. BEAUTIFUL, I tell you.
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sarkasmo - 2005-11-15 19:25:05
You put a lot of good words to how you're feeling. Cancer scares the shit out of me, too, and my immediate family has been so lucky that I dread the day one of us gets "The News".
And, by "dread", I mean "am driven to tears in under 10 seconds".
I think your reaction is the same as mine would be. This is why they have support groups, though - things like cancer, AIDS, Alzheimers...they affect the whole family, not just the person diagnosed.
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Halo Askew - 2005-11-15 21:21:32
You could put one of those pink ribbons on the back of your car. I think it adds to the healing karma or something. Seriously though, I'm sorry to hear this news. There is SO much that can be done now. It's NOT a death sentence. To help with the feelings, I suggest you read a book called "Talk Before Sleep" by Elizabeth Berg. It's about two best friends coping when one is diagnosed with breast cancer. It's moving, insightful, deeply touching, funny, poignant, and all those other good warm fuzzy descriptive phrases. Honestly, it's wonderful. (How can you not love a character who is focusing on the crumbs underneath her kitchen table when she gets the news on the phone?) One of my most favorite books EVER. I cried for twenty minutes after reading it. (It was written nearly 15 years ago, so KEEP THAT IN MIND). Heck, you know what? If you have an Amazon account, add the book to your wishlist, let me know, and I'll send you a copy. That's how much I want you to read it! And don't feel bad for feeling selfish. You're not. You're human. My best wishes to your mother, you, and your family. (And I mean it about the book!)
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Phil - 2005-11-15 22:09:39
The word "Lady" doesn't get used too much these days to describe women but she's a lady in all the best definitions. All I can think of to say is when the situation gets you down and you're not sure how to react remember that all the good instincts and love she has - she also taught you. Trust in them.
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Anneliese - 2005-11-15 23:23:49
You are in my thoughts!
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Jamie - 2005-11-16 06:39:44
I found your diary thru clownmoms, and I just wanted to say that your mother sounds like a wonderful woman and I wish her the best with fighting her cancer.
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Acorn - 2005-11-16 23:04:45
Hiya. I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. A good friend of mine finished her treatment a couple months ago - she was diagnosed a year and a half ago. The hardest part is the battle within, she told me. And her faith played a really big part in the whole process. Sounds like your mom may just have some of that lying around...
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golfwidow - 2005-11-17 19:11:11
Two years ago when my mother told me the lump in her breast was cancer, I hated myself for being so "What am I going to do if she dies? What about me?" She had a partial mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and is cancer-free now, but I'm still terrified.
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erin - 2005-11-19 05:18:18
please accept my sincere well wishes for your mom, your family and you yourself during this challenging time, and those to come.
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jumblygiant - 2005-11-19 15:22:47
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I think you and your family have several key factors to help battle this situation (at least mentally and emotionally, but I firmly believe that has an impact on the physical aspect as well): your humor and your mom's strong faith. Not to mention the closeness and love your family obviously shares. And everyone is correct, this just means a fight, not the end. Hang in there (god, it is impossible for me to say that without thinking of that poster the stupid cat hanging off of the tree branch. gah).
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andreeb - 2005-11-20 19:13:04
Oh Gump, I'm so sorry! I just read this entry. Sorry I haven't responded sooner. I'm glad to hear your mom will be OK, but this has got to be a scary time for you.
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