2004-02-04 - 12:26 p.m. Like a walnut in a vice Have I ever told you about the worst day of the week? Well, I am odd, so I will begin telling you about the best and worst days in order and proving why this is so. Saturday is the best day. This is a hard one to argue against. It fulfills the criteria for best day. To establish what makes a good and a bad day you must know �the amount of quality free time� and �the amount of work time� See on Saturday, you have all day free, and you also have no work (unless you are one of those crazy people that works on Saturday) Even as a student Saturday is great, cause you rarely do homework on Saturday unless you have to. But look at it. You usually have Sunday ahead of you, and Friday behind you. The weekend�s prime is Saturday. Now there is a toss up between Sunday and Friday. See, you have to work on Friday, so that stinks, but the quality of Friday night is very high. You can do a lot Friday �go on a trip �dinner �drinking �you can act stupid cause you have all weekend to recover. Sunday, you have the whole day free, but there is that creeping feeling of Monday that people dread. And Sunday nights can be the worst. Work the next day, and you suffer on Sunday for everything you didn�t do on Saturday that needs to get done. So in the ranking, if Saturday is clearly the best, then I will give Sunday and Friday a tie with the edge going to whether you are a morning or night person. I mean, a clear subjective case could be made either way. This leaves the droogs of the week. Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, and Monday. There is nothing actually good about anyone of these days without one thing�HOPE! The hope and anticipation on the weekend. So this clearly puts Thursday on top. Thursday is like Little Friday in my book. If you get stupid Thursday night, you just have to suffer through work on Friday. Getting through the day on Thursday is also pretty easy because Friday is RIGHT THERE. At the end of the day, it�s pretty much Friday, and that�s something to look forward too. So Thursday is the 4th best day. Now it gets tricky. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are pretty bad. They all are working islands far off shore from the weekend mainland. But it comes back to hope. Wednesday is hump day. Because you are getting over the hump, and on the other side is the hope for the weekend. This give you some hope on Wednesday. And that little scrap of hope. The very idea that �once today is over I am only two days away� is a good feeling. It gives you a torch, however small, to carry to the 5:00 finish line on Wednesday. This leaves us with the evil stepsisters: Monday and Tuesday. Each day more evil than the next. The hope suckers; the life drainers; the Olsen Twins of the weekday lineup. And so how do you pick between the snake and the rat? Well lets say it this way. After Sunday, you have Monday. You wake up. You want to die, but instead you go to work with the weekend the furthest away it could possibly be. I often compare Monday to going out into the ring for a five round fight with Mike Tyson. It�s eight hours of body blows, upper cuts, and knockdowns. Then the bell sounds and you get dragged back to your corner. Maybe you got a few good hits in, but you�re dead now. What could be worse than that? How about round 2? That�s right. I think Tuesday is worse than Monday and here is why. On Monday, you are surprised. You have the energy from the weekend and you can look back on the fun times and weekend events and perhaps actually enjoy a bit of your day. Hey Jim, did you see the game? Or Kimberley, how did your son�s project on human gases come along? Monday you know what�s coming, and you have all day Sunday to prepare. And just like Mike Tyson�s fury of blows, you are drained at the end of the day. And then Monday night comes, you watch some really awful TV, and go to bed. The next day you go back into to work with nothing to talk about, nothing to do, and just time to kill. Hey Jim, did you see that Angel�s saved Godzilla series the WB is showing? Kimberley, did your son�do anything�or dry his hair�or something� Anyone would try and go a round with Tyson, but two? You spirit breaks. Tuesday is the back breaker. Picture your bloody hulking mess of a body slumped in the corner of the ring. You know that it�s mere moments before you are brought back into the ring for round two of five. There is no hope. Hope does not exist in your pathetic world at that moment. All that is in store for you is pain. At the end of the third, you start hoping. As you crumble in the 4th, you know the final round is on you, and after that 5th round you feel like a princess in a prom gown; a bloody wrecked prom gown. But round two�you never knew it could be that bad. You have the lowest energy, and the least amount of hope. Monday is bad, but Tuesday is worse. So beware my foul friends, for Tuesday will crush your soul, like a walnut in a vice. | |||||||||||
