2004-08-18 - 8:44 a.m. Letter to a Neighbor Here is a letter that I sent when I was pretending to a roommate looking for a place to live so I could check out a neighbors house. I changed a few personal things, but this is pretty close to what I actually sent, including the picture. Enjoy. _______________________________________ You want to know about me? Are you sure? I am a 24yrd old guy living in Bawstin right now and working for the government. When I am not undercover I just need a place to lie my head, and so I am just looking for a place that might be the right fit for me, and this place is really close, and hence, a good idea for me to check it out since it is both close and cheap. Now I know what you are saying...an 24 year old government worker...this kid's probably as much fun as malaria. But truth be told before I got my degree in a math subject to be named later, I was an English major. However this doesn't mean I can spell. That's why I am no longer and Enlish major. Also I am not rainman, so don't expect me to be a walking calcualtor. I am more a kid who has no grammar school fundamentals. I do however play the flute --I am joking about the flute. I would only play the flute if the place had rats. Does it have Rats, because I'm thinking I could be really into a horde of dancing rats! No, but seriously, I was just mostly looking for the right type of people to live with to see if the whole roommate thing jives. Money is not really going to be an issue, the government pays well and the last person the union let get fired was 1984. That was because he was arrested for being fired or something like that. Rumor has it Orwell had something to do with it. So I am clean, no cats, no smoking, I don't do anything noise related, I don't have cats, I won't bring weird people over, I won't bring home stray cats, and I don't do drugs, but they don't bug me as long as its not a crackhouse. It's not a crack house right. That atrium isn't where you make the meth? Cause if it is...I'm in. I don't care if you are of any race, religion, political affliation, sexual affliation, if you are a vegan, meat eater...whatever. I don't care. I have lived with enough people to realize that it doesn't really matter. If you just want to eat plants, cool, just don't leave a floater in the toilet. It�s mostly respect and courtesy things that ever bug me. Like if you were to play tennis against my door while I slept, I might buy a cat to piss you off. That�s right baby, I can play the Cat/tennis game. I went to two different colleges (grad and undergrad not like it would be two undergrads because I got kicked out for killing my roommate � or anything) and so I have lived with alot of people and welcome noise like an old man welcome dentures. I don't make too much, usually, but who knows, maybe I will give up the flute and take up the drums. I am, however, a blackbelt in Magic Karate, which I am actually half not kidding about, thought most people think I am. So in the end, I have a black belt in confusment. (still a white belt in spelling) The style is a combination of Judo and Aikdo and Copperfield, so don't worry about robbers. Even MEAN robbers with quick eyes. You would never guess I can pull rabbits out of people�s eyes, mostly based on the fact that I am math geek, and hence a little, how do you say? ... dorky... but my girlfriend has really helped clean that up god bless her soul. I like video games, long walks on the beach, skating on the pond by the Fellsway E., Bon Jovi, walks to the inner city, Dipietro's delivery, flute bands, and mostly cats. I have 30 cats. Is this going to be a problem? Some of them might be rabid...but they are just so darn cute... Anyway, I think I hit the big three... 1) money 2) respect 3) Cleanliness. Lets just say you won't have to worry. I attached a picture of myself, and one of my cats. So now that I have officially made myself look like the craziest roommate ever I will promise you that I will never talk about myself this much again. Oh and I have no cats. I am allergic. Allergic to their love... Gump | |||||||||||
