2005-02-23 - 10:22 a.m. Are we settling or Aiming too High? I read Anniewaits diary entry this morning, which made me think of something. Are we settling in what we want out of life? Or are we aiming too high and just destine for disappointment? She was looking at the case where she wanted to be both the successful business woman and have an amazing boyfriend. She was also looking at a great nice guy and wanting a really funny guy as well. She wanted it all, or as the French might say, having and eating her cake�or is it? Okay�lets look at the first dilemma logically. To be the most successful business woman (or even a very successful one) you have to have one of three things. 1) Talent. If you are really talented you don�t have to work much, and just are good. Things you touch are gold. However, unless you have it, you can�t get it. And frankly�if you have it, you aren�t reading this. Now you can combine some of those things. �The Best� or �The Most� Successful people in the world combine all two (or three) in order to make it. So the idea is, if you want a life, it will cost you success. This is unless you are really talented and don�t need to be that dedicated, or if you are the boss� son and you can do lines of cocaine off the UPS� guys bicep and get a promotion. My friend �Cod� is going through a similar dilemma. He has to pick where to go to school, and the best is currently Duke, but it�s in North Carolina and he doesn�t want to move there because he will leave his friends and family. Then there is Brown which is good, and he will have a better life by living in the area, but he loses the really good program at Duke. He�s gotta choose life or success to a certain degree. ______________________________________ The Boyfriend issue is a completely separate issue all together. That�s about diminishing returns in my mind. Life is on a timeline and it goes like this 14-20 (dating age) 21-30 (marrying age) 30-40 (divorcing age) 40 + ( no man�s land) That�s a really watered down version. The idea is before 20 no one should be getting married, but should be dating. Then, from 21-30 you should probably be with someone you like and think about starting a family. From 30-40 often times this is when people who got divorced get remarried, people who were married stay married or get divorced and remarry. 40+ is a hodgepodge of anything and everything. People never getting married have whirlwind weddings�people die and the widower remarries� You might disagree, and sure�there are kids who fall outside that range, but that�s the typical or rather the stereotypical ages when things happen. So think about it. During the dating period, females and males are sorted out. How? Horrible guys are not dated. Unattractive girls are not dated. Good looking, nice, funny tall guys get their pick of the litter. For girls�honestly�I hate to say it, but usually the attractive ones get picked. I point to Jessica Simpson. Jessica isn�t smart. Jessica isn�t that funny except inadvertently. Jessica is a princess. But she�s desired for her looks. Anyway, Anniewaits was wondering where all the Nice caring funny guys have gone? There aren�t many of them in the first place, because that�s a combination of a lot of things that just don�t happen. I have read lists and lists and lists in which girls list out the qualities they want in men. I was at a wedding when a maid of honor found a list that the bride made when she was a teenage, and read it at the wedding and said the groom fit every thing the bride ever wanted. It was sweet. And overall most girls are looking for the same thing. No one ever lists �doesn�t have a drinking problem� or �won�t bone the maid� or �will invest our money in a pyramid scheme.� It�s implied. Girls want a guy who is secure and will make them happy. I think that a girl wants a guy based on the following categories --- looks, money, respect (nice), humor, and empathy(sensitive). Ignoring money -- lets just say that for every 10 guys, 4 are funny, 4 are nice, 4 are attractive, 4 are sensitive, and 1 is gay. Is that fair? Think about a group of ten guys. � I think these are reasonable numbers. Well, just looking at that random assortment, of the four funny guys what are the chances that they are Nice, attractive, sensitive and not gay. If (4G:.4) : (4NU4AU4S) U (1G) Well the answer is there is a .0576 percent chance that there exists at least one guy that is Funny, nice, attractive, and sensitive, but not gay. Now, I will submit that those probablities are made up, and also there is some synergy between being nice and sensitive, and being attractive and gay, but overall my point is that these guys are fairly rare. Incidentally, I will call him Alpha guy. And so I�m not trying to say �you won�t find one� but what I want to say is that as time passes �you won�t find one.� Wait? What? What I am saying is that the Alpha guy is desired. Which means that he will not be single for long. Girls will seek to mate with Alpha guy. So between the 14-20 age, Alpha guy will probably have a long term girlfriend�from 21-30, Alpha guy will probably be married. If he gets divorces, well there is your chance, but tell me�is Alpha guy the type to divorce? Why would you divorce Alpha guy? And assuming Alpha guy dated, then why would he divorce the woman he chose to date? So then the next realm is the Beta Guy. The guy whose got 3 out of 4. The dating game turns into the setting game as time goes on, it would seem. I have always said to never trust a guy over 30 who has never dated. There is something wrong with him. Girls have screened him out as someone who is broken or defected. Whether they know it or not, I trust instincts in this sense. But the fact is, dating can be like gambling. When you are in your 20�s and first start playing the game, you are trying to win big. You are trying to take the casino for all it�s got. But as the night goes on, and you get older -- you aren�t winning�you have two choices. You can start playing trying to try and not lose money. Maybe get a little back� Or you can double down every hand and try to win it all back. Bet big, win big. The person playing the �not trying to lose� strategy settles and gets someone who they weren�t aiming for, but decided was �better than nothing� The bet big, win big person ends up happy, or alone. I just painted a pretty grim dating image. But I honestly am a pessimist, and I believe that people don�t end up happy. I believe that the house wins, except for those rare times when someone gets lucky. I think it�s because people set their expectations high naturally. I�m gonna get a lot of comments on this one, but here is my question. Do we expect to much out of life? Are only a certain amount of people able to �have it all� and the rest of us just get this jealous left out feeling of being unfulfilled? Or am I way off base? Incidentally, my home computer melted, so I have much less time on the internet | |||||||||||
