2003-09-05 - 1:11 p.m.

Gump-H to the Izzo

Well, someone asked if I would take the survey. So I did.

But I thought it was really funny so I sent it out to Heidi and all her friends.

I doubt they will find it funny; but who knows.

If you want something that really funny then I want you to look at this Toon which you will need sound to view properly.

Also if you wanna feel good about yourself then go to this website.

However that might actually make you feel worse, but it made me feel better. I laughed at Botswana.

Anyway, below is the survey which I really think I did once, but I answered it will all new answers.

By answers I mean LIES!!!!!!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?: Gump "mutherfucking" Hood (muther for short)

2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: I feel that this could have been a more interesting question. Like what color pants do you WANT to be wearing? Actually that�s a horrible question. I am going to say that I would want to be wearing black velvet pants�I don�t know why, but I am wear blue pants. I will call them slacks so that you can make fun of me.

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?: The sound of a printer printing. Alas, for I am at work. Was this supposed to be a different question like; what music do I think is HOT right now? I really must stop second guessing myself.

4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?: xxxx

5. IF YOU REALLY..REALLY HAD TO PEE U CAN"T EVEN WALK, AND THE BATHROOM'S A MILE AWAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?: I go. I mean really, there is no need to burst the bladder. I think as long as you do it in an isolated spot you are golden. No pun intended. Actually, it was intended.

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: White-chedder. Mostly because that�s not a color, and I am not a crayon. Actually a Moose came to me in a dream and said brick house red is the color to pick, but I don�t don�t trust moose�.meice. Mooses�Moses�.screw it.

7. WHERE DO YOU PLAN TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: BOSTON!!! What�oh�that would be kinda boring. How about Easter Island. Or Canobie Lake Park. Nothing says romance like the Turkish Twist.

8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: My Mom. She told me that I owed her mom. Gotta love your mom. She told me that this was my last warning and then the bat comes out. I am still in a cast from the last incident. She can be such a pain over an overdue movie charge. No but really, I talk to my mom. How lame am I.

10. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?: Their depth perception. If she�s to blind to even walk over towards me, I don�t want to date her. Tunnel Vision just isn�t as attractive as it used to be. Yup, depth perception and camel toe. I can�t believe I just said that. I hope you found it funny, cause frankly I don�t know any of you. Except Heidi. Hi-D! Get it�oh god�I will stop.

11. FAVORITE DRINK?: No I won�t. More questions!!! Favorite drink. Herm� I am gonna go with beer. You can drink it, and you get drunk, which is really all I want out of a drink. No wait�I take it back. Fruity Virgin Daiquiris with Banana�s. Now that�s a man�s drink. A fruity man drink. Aren�t to many of those� 1 out of every 10 I hear.

12. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Do I like her? Oh yes. I love the things she sent me. I really do. Plus I think she is really funny� I didn�t answer this question in a funny way� you must be disappointed. How about I like her socks. She has nice taste in socks. (I don�t think that�s funny; just weird�alas)

13. WHAT IS YOU'RE FAVORITE TV SHOW? True Life: I think I am funny. I am the star. Actually I really liked that Undressed Show on MTV. Remember that. This is getting more embarrassing. Quick�honesty�.Touch by and Angel. � Where the nanny from Fraser rides a dirt bike and helps people. That show rules. (that show would rule)

14. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?: Shoot. I answered this. I am gonna go with red wine in a box spiked with car bomb. That would taste like Raspberry Chocolate Milk in my mind. I suspect a hangover.

17. HAIR COLOR?: light brown. Mop top. I only wear Bowler Hats.

18. Eye Color?: Bluish Gray. When I am in the dark; they are black.

19. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?: No, and no glasses either.

20. SIBLINGS AND THERE AGES?: I have no siblings. But If I did; I would him/her to be an astronaut, so that they could bring me a moon rock. I just feel having a moon rock would make a really cool conversation piece. Especially since I would want it to be the size of a Geo Tracker. If my sibling loved me, they would find a way to bring me back a Geo Tracker sized moon rock so I could tell all my friends that I am from Nebulon 5, and I drive around in a space rock. Of course, I would need friends first�

21. FAVORITE MONTH?: May, mostly because it�s the only month I can really spell without looking it up. Maybe setprbember, cause the leaves look like foliage. I just love leaves that look like foliage. I wonder where foilage comes from?

22. FAVORITE FOOD?: Platypus Stew. You know that weird poisoness duck/beaver thing from the Outback. Actually�that would suck. I am Irish so I will go with the potato. The whole Potato family, like fries, chips, English Chips (fries) and straight up raw potatoes (cooked).

23. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I dream of Jenna�that�s not a movie though�more of a flick. I will say the Two Towers�the movie�not the flick.

24. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?: Boxing Day (Canada) cause it�s the day I realize that Canada is still our bitch. Sorry Canada, but Boxing Day? That�s pretty weak. Were I Emperor of Canada I would give that holiday the �K.O.�

25. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?: I can be, but only if I think that they like me. If I don�t think they like me I will ask them out easy, expecting them to be uncomfortable as they politely try to reject me. At worst I am shocked when they say yes. If they like me, then I am expecting to be accepted, but fear the rejection. Moral of the story; if you don�t want me to ask you out flirt like crazy with me, and if you do want me to ask you out act like a bitch, so I don�t think I have a shot.

26. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?: Normally I can, but every now and then I shit myself. Like Gigli. That made me shit myself. (I paid 11.50 for this!!! I PAID 11.50!!!)

27. SUMMER OR WINTER?: I am going with the winter, cause snow angels could kick the shit out of sand angels. Plus sand doesn�t fall from the sky, and snow doesn�t get in my crack. I don�t know how this really turned into a sand vs snow argument?!?

28. HUGS OR KISSES?: Depends. If you don�t like me; kisses. If you like me; kicks to the crotch (not kisses). I would say hugs are the drunk man�s handshake. I accept hugs, but only if they are quickly followed by a nice little but slap.

29. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?: I will pick one night stands, cause no one else will. I am making a stand for one night stands. I have never had one, but I am assuming that they are my favorite.

30. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla/chocolate mix. The swirl baby. Expect if the vanilla is really banana. *Yuk*

31. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE YOU BACK?: As I said before; I have no friends�so YES!!!

32. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?: Heidi; mostly because she is the only one that I know on the list. Also, because she is the only one who I should really be sending this too, but I suppose I am going to be silly and send it to everyone. Maybe Ali or Elena, but I don�t know if they is one this one?!

33. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?: Me. See�That�s a sure thing, cause I won�t reply based on the fact that I don�t want to be wrong in a silly internet survey thing.

34. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?: I live with Prince Charles in Wales, and when he�s away I tour with a band. What band you may ask? Well, how about you just think of a band and then I�ll say, �You�re right, how did you guess that!!!�

35. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?: Men and Other Mammals by Keeble, which isn�t too bad and The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, which a friend gave me.

36. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: A condom. It�s a little hard to move the mouse around, but at least I am protected.

37. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?: Connect Four, with kids at work. Shit man, I destroy them, but they line up to challenge my ability to connect the dots.

38. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?: First I finished my flick, then I helped take out some trash. I watched a little football, and then I talked to an old friend.

You know, when someone says an old friend; I can think of three possibilities.

1) The Friend, in fact, is old and could be a molester or an Uncle or both.

2) The Friend, in fact, is someone who you known for a long time; like a childhood friend who you talked to every now and again. You will most likely talk about diapers, growing older, and money. Then you will say �it�s getting late� and hang up.

3) The Friend, in fact, is neither old nor a childhood friend, just someone who you haven�t talked to in a long time. After the first three minutes you started to remember why you haven�t talked when the �old friend� asks a favor of you that you don�t want to service.

Due to these three completely different situations I will no longer refer to �friends� as �old.� Fortunately, as I have said before, I have neither young nor old �friends� and thus my worries are wasted on the fictional.

Happy Days are Here Again

Gump