2004-06-15 - 12:36 p.m. Jobs, Personals, Propositions, and Lost Items So I have been scanning the world for things, and I love the personal posting and the jobs and the other things that allow people to write something that the world will see. I love it because some people are just flat out nuts, and who doesn�t like that. Here are some of the funnier ones I found recently. They range from lost and founds, to jobs, to personal ads. This first one is a personal ad, and the girl, well, she�s kinda looking for a guy. She�s got something in mind, and she�s ready to share it. I am sure that she will find this man someday. HA�hahahah. What happened to the "All-American Boy"??? Granted this is Boston, but I am overwhelmed and rather disgusted by the amount of metro boys this place has to offer. In this "college town" where have all the cute, tall, athletic, fun guys gone?? I'm here all summer and think I might throw up if another 28 year old scumbag in a tight black Armani Exchange shirt with silver chain hanging out tries to make eyes at me. All I want is to meet a guy like this: >21-24 years old (you have to be able to buy me drinks since I'm not legal (but like to drink) and not be afraid to occasionally act like a 12 year old with me) >tall (6'2-6'4' is ideal, but definitely over 6') >cute, although that is subjective, so must not be repulsive to the general public (i prefer dark hair and green eyes, but as long as you have hair and eyes we're all set) >athletic (you don't have to be a Red Sox rookie - i'll settle for "played sports in highschool", just gotta be active and posess some level of athleticism) >is a "guy's guy" (i want to hang out on your roof deck and barbeque and drink beers with you and your group of guy friends and maybe even play some drinking games from time to time) >has similar musical interests and will accompany me to concerts (must at least enjoy the Dave Matthews Band, among many others. ideally you will also play the guitar) >smart (you don't have to go to Harvard, but some degree of intelligence is required, a bit of wit/good sense of humor would be a plus) >thoughtful (you don't have to be a sappy sensitive boy, just be aware of others feelings and able to perform random acts of kindness) >social (can make friends with my friends, since i hope to become friends with yours) Since I know this guy doesn't exist, I didn't want to post this in the personals and have to deal with 30 year old bachelors who are kidding themselves that they might even fit one of those categories... But if you do exist (daydreaming never hurt anyone), can we please be friends? As much as I'd like a boyfriend, I'm totally cool with just being friends if that's all you'd like to offer. You probably already have a girlfriend, and that's cool because I'm sure she and I have the same good taste in men. I need to know if I'm holding out for something I'll never encounter. At the very least, just let me know you exist. And if you do, perhaps you have fellow "all-american boy" friends who might be interested in being friends if you're not/are already taken. I just thought this is funny because she�s looking for a tall frat guy! I mean, I know like 30 of these guys. I live with at least one. I always like to see a little backlash against the metro thing, because let me tell you, I am holding out for flannel to come back in style. This next one is both sick, and sicker. Barefoot Maids is a house/apartment cleaning service. We do everything from dusting and organizing to vacuuming and cleaning windows. We are based out of the Kenmore Square area and service most of Boston including Fenway, Back Bay, South End and Brookline. The "catch idea" for our business is that we clean barefoot as to not track in dirt from shoes as well as to show clients that our feet will be as clean as the customer's house or apartment by the time we are finished. Though frankly, our best clients are the ones who simply like women's feet! We are hiring for full-time and part-time (5-20 hours/week) and for all hours of the day as well as weekends. Starting rates are between $20 to $25/hour. No experience is required and the only requirements are to be courteous, reliable, friendly and to have clean and pedicured feet. Please reply with your phone number and a good time to reach you. Thanks! Barefoot Maids Gross. It�s like hiring a topless maid. Man, I just can�t really imagine that. As a girl though, as skeeve as that may be, I might do it were I in the cleaning bracket. This next one is more upfront about the kinda service he�s looking for. outgoing, friendly, ticklish models wanted for assignment....I have many references available.... if interested, email me thank you very much Compensation: $150/hr This is a part-time job. No kidding it�s a part time job. I can imagine that you don�t want a �model� that�s ticklish around for too long. Is it just me or are guys really dirty? Also I wonder are the �references� other women he�s �done� this too, or like Ben Franklin, Andrew Jackson references. Does everyone remember that �Arron Burr� got Milk commercial. God that was a funny commercial. This next one is half sweet, half weird, and a quarter funny. The other half is a person with too much money. My soon to be 3 year old has asked for Spiderman to play with him on his Birthday. Since I don't have Tobey Maguire's number, does anyone know of a high school/college gymnast who would be interested in dressing up as Spiderman for my son's 3rd birthday party for an hour or two, do a few jumps, twirls and leaps, and lead a group of pre-schoolers in a few party games such as "Spidey Says" or "Pin Spiderman on the Web" or �Spidey-Go-Seek�. I'll be happy to arrange for the costume, orchestrate the games and provide theme music if the prospective Superhero brings his or her energy, enthusiasm, and sense of humor. The compensation for this unique opportunity is $50.00, and all the birthday cake, soda, and pizza, you can eat, as well as lots of "oohs" and "aahs" from a wide-eyed little boy who would be thrilled to have Spiderman at his party. That is really nice of the mom, but its just so silly. I mean to be spiderman for like 50 bucks. And like�all the cake soda and pizza I can eat? Am I going to be Spidey the devourer? I mean that might frighten the kids as I scarf down a 2 liter of coke, 3 slices of cake, and a pan of pizza. I love pan pizza. This next one is �hand pizza� Established Upscale Massage service is currently seeking Attractive females to provide Upscale Clientele with massages. No experience is necessary, the only requirements are that you are Attractive, Friendly, Outgoing, In Shape, and possess a desire to work with people. You must also have a good work ethic and be responsible, since this position gives you tons of freedom and flexibility. We're looking for someone to start Immediately and who is serious about making a substantial income. Appts are consistent, so you control how much money you desire to earn. You must have your own vehicle since we cater to upscale clientele in their homes. To be considered please fit the above criteria. Good Luck! $50hr plus tips Hmmm�tips? Gee, could that mean giving men pleasure via the happy ending? This should read �If you want to make some money giving HJ for cash, come to us. Be hot. Pimp not included. This one�s weird, and sad. It�s because there is a story behind it which is probably heartbreaking. Red-Haired Female Wanted For Egg Donation Help make a couple's dream of becoming parents come true by becoming an egg donor. Very generous compensation and expenses paid. � Natural Red Hair � Age 21 - 32. � Non-smoker only. What a weird story to someday tell the kid. This is funny because its direct. Private Lingerie Model Familiar with the concept? Email me. :) Yeah, it�s the oldest job in the world. Finally the last one, which is just funny, disturbing, and probably a joke. But there is an email address so have fun if you want to, or � ya know� if you see the animal in question. fly Reply to: [email protected] i lost my small pet fly called tickels he would walk all over me and now i cant find him. i have been up all night calling him i hope he is ok :-( | |||||||||||
